Can I do this? I don't know. My heart aches. I can't think about it. but it's all I can think about. it's so bitter and it's so sweet. why did I say no? it wasn't safe, but I still wish I had jumped. when I finally get there, will it still be there? will it matter anymore? there's a fine line between taking the plunge and being incredibly stupid. either way, it would hurt. I want air. I want music. I want the city. I want smoke. I want fire. I want to trip. I want to forget my name. I want my friends here. I want to walk in the edge of the Arno at 4 am again-- what a magical moment that was-- not with the one I love, but with the artist from Chicago. we talked about art and life and we kissed in the middle of the freezing river in the middle of the night and then I left. it was a one-night stand of the mind, not the body.... this tangent has taken a tangent. that idyllic scene was my last night there, and my heart had already been broken by the one I will always want. he still lives on the Arno. pretty if the sun won't won't shine, I'll be coming up to meet you, I'll be there to make you mine. pretty, if the rain will pour, I'll be knocking at your window I'll be begging you for more... but when? the time is not right now, and I don't understand. will it ever be time? baby, I hope so.