well, that sounds dramatic. but I am such a fan of music and this seems like an important list to make.
Drive by Incubus.
This is the #1 song that changed everything for me.... how do I explain this? This song came out when I was about 14, and it was catchy enough to be played on Top 40 radio-- which I had been listening to since birth because that was what my mom listens to, and I didn't know any other kind of music. When I heard this though, my mind exploded. It was love at first listen, and I knew that music for me would never be the same. Destiny's Child, Pink, Backstreet Boys and such were big on the radio back then, and I guess I liked it, but there was no connection, no meaning for me. I went out immediately and bought the entire cd, Make Yourself, and it is still to this day on my Top 25 most played list. These songs were unlike anything I had ever heard before, about things that weren't about getting or finding love or revenge. They were about life - the uncertainty of it all, not knowing where you really are or what you should do, and about listening to your innerself, not outside influences.
Drive is about fear, and finding youself and your own way, amd no song has never been more applicable to my life. I have had to make my own way in the world, and break free from the forces that were telling me how to live my life. When I heard this song, I felt instinctively that this was the song I had been waiting to hear all of my life.
Sometimes, I feel the fear of // Uncertainty stinging clear// And I can't help but ask myself // how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and steer// It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal // But lately I'm beginning to find that I// should be the one behind the wheel. // So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive // Will I choose water over wine // and hold my own and drive? // It's driven me before // and it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around// But lately I'm beginning to find that // when I drive myself my light is found.
When ever I hear it, especially on the radio, my heart does a little flip of joy!
Under the Bridge by Red Hot Chili Peppers
This song really helped me through a dark time in high school. It took me a while to realize it was about Anthony Kiedis' heroin addiction and literally living under a bridge at one point. But, the lyrics still spoke to me. I had fallen into a deep depression at age 15, which I didn't understand, and it was a very confusing time for me. Life at home was really unstable, so much so that I would dread the end of the day bc that meant I had to go home. My friends tried to help me, but being 15 years old themselves, they just were not equipped, and we drifted apart for a few months. Talking about this now is reminding me of all the dark feelings I had back then, and it's not something I ever talk about because it's so hard.
Anthony Kiedis' tired, weathered voice was full of pain and regret, and it might have been me singing about his weary lonelieness. It didn't matter that his pain was from addiction in Los Angeles, and mine was from extreme lonelieness and a hellish family situation, and feeling estranged from my peers at school. I felt like there was no one I could connect with and I was completely alone. In fact, I wished it was me that was singing that song. But it was a very comforting thing to me, to know that I was not the only one who needed someone to just understand.
Sometimes I feel like I don't have a partner // Sometimes I feel like my only friend// Is the city I live in, the city of angels // Lonely as I am, together we cry// I don't ever want to feel like I did that day // Take me to the place I love, take me all the way// I don't ever want to feel like I did that day// It's hard to believe that there's nobody out there// It's hard to believe that I'm all alone// At least I have her love, the city she loves me// Lonely as I am, together we cry.
This song was like putting salve on my wounds. It made me feel like I did have a friend.
When I Come Around by Green Day
I remember this when the video was on tv back in the day, maybe about 10 years old. It was punchy, it was catchy, and it was everywhere. But I didn't really discover this song and the album Dookie (Longview, Basket Case, Brain Stew) until I was 14. It's just such a good song about being a loser in the eyes of the world, not doing what others think you should, and not caring.
I heard it all before// So don't knock down my door// I'm a loser and a user so I don't need no accuser// to try and slag me down because I know I'm right.
Those are my favorite lyrics, I still think they apply to my life even now.... to me this is just a feel good song.
Girl's Not Grey by AFI
This song introduced me to my other all-time favorite band, beside Incubus. The little emo girl in me that started to develop at 15 LOVES this band. It's hard to choose just one of their songs for this list, so many are brilliant and poignant and beautiful. I will always love this band. For me, discovering them is like when peanut butter met jelly. A perfect match made in heaven for ever and ever. HAHA. and this year I finally saw them live. And, of course I was at the front.
Falling Away from Me by Korn
This song was a big one for me in high school.
Hey, I'm feeling tired// My time, is gone today // You flirt with suicide // Sometimes, that's ok // Hear what others say I'm here, standing hollow //Falling away from me
Yeah, those are pretty serious lyrics. Remember at this point I was coming out of that black hole I fell into when I was 15. this really helped.
Something Corporate
You know, I really need to include a Something Corporate song in this list, because they too have impacted me in a huge way. My serious boyfriend (my first great love) at school introduced me to them and it has been love ever since - he and I obv didn't make it, but SoCo and I always will.
...but how do I choose just one? I listened to this band non-stop freshman and sophomore year of college. Almost all of their songs have a memory associated with it, be it Runaway or Punk Rock Princess (aforementioned boyfriend who I just loved), I Kissed a Drunk Girl (pledging), Forget December (home)... I have to include a few (and they all count as one entry for my top 10 list!!).
I Woke Up in a Car
I literally heard this song when I woke up in my car. My bf and I were road-tripping it to California for spring break, he was driving and had put this cd on while I was sleeping, and this is the song I woke to. It's a such a beautiful memory for me- I remember the first thing I saw were enormous rocky mountains on either side of us, windmills at the top, looking at my bf who was so beautiful in that moment, and this perfect song was filling my ears and imprinting on me forever. I was just so happy and content with my life at that point. I wish I could paint this or find a way to capture it forever.
I woke up in a car// I traced away the fog// So I could see the Mississippi on her knees// I've never been so lost// I've never felt so much at home // Please write my folks and throw away my keys//I woke up in a car
I Won't Make You
(breaking up with said boyfriend at the end of the year, which at that point was one of the hardest things I had ever done)
I'm under attack again my dear, I'm in the way//Got no resolutions, no clever anecdotes to say//And still if I yell at the top of my lungs will it be the same?//I'd fly you a flag, I'd bury this pen into my veins // Scream my name just one more time//But I won't make you
It's so inherently emo, and I will not be ashamed!Machinehead by Bush
Oh, Bush, how I love you. This whole album is magical.... really, does anything more need to be said? Gavin is sexy as hell, and I am insanely jealous of Gwen. That is all.
Gone Away by the Offspring
This song will forever be in memory for my friend that was killed almost 3 years ago. Every time I listen to it I get choked up and teary, and I want to scream these lyrics at the sky so he might hear. I carry these words in my heart everyday, and I hope he can hear it. The day I found out I just screamed and screamed. I miss him so much and now I'm crying, and that's all I can say about this right now.
Maybe in another life I could find you there// Pulled away before your time // I can't deal it's so unfair // And it feels // Yeah it feels like Heaven's so far away // And it feels// Yeah it feels like the world has grown cold //Now that you've gone away // Leaving flowers on your grave // To show that I still care// but black roses and hail marys // Can't bring back what's taken from me // I reach to the sky // And call out your name and if I could trade// I would.
World Outside by the Devlins
This song is about the other great love in my life. I can still barely listen to it because of the swell of emotion in my chest and throat, threatenting to explode. This is huge for me and it will take a while to work though. when I realized that I was truly in love with him, I freaked out because this was a situation I could not control. I would walk around for hours high on endorphins, not eating for 2 weeks and would shake when I sat still (which freaked out my friends).... I've never taken speed before, but I'd imagine that that's what it would be like. It was crazy. I was out of my mind a little bit, I think. when we were together it really was like a dream that I can't get over.
He really did a number on me.
You're lighting my dreams// You light up my skin// Waiting so long// Time to begin// I'm looking around// watching it spin// God, my world outside is changing// something within
This song and Comfort You by Eskimo Joe are still too painful to hear right now. But they are on this list because they stirred something deep inside me that I had never felt before. All of these songs have, in different ways. And that's why they will forever be amazing for me.
Last song.... what shall it be? This list is really harder to make than I thought. During writing this, I've thought about abandoning the 10-song idea and going with the top-10 albums, or the top-10 bands, but I want to keep this as simple as possible, because I can go one for days and years about this. But I think I'm going to have to go with Santogold. this too, will be a two-for-one deal.
L.E.S. Artistes and Starstuck by Santogold
I came across Santogold about 2 years ago, don't remember how, but it was one of my greatest musical finds. People compare her to M.I.A. (who is pretty awesome in her own right) but Santi is soooo much better. This is a new genre of music for me-- I usually go for the hardcore/emo/screamo stuff. Look her up, you will not be disappointed.
WAIT A MINUTE.
How could I not include any of my beloved Zeppelin??
OMG.
Well. The Ocean, the Immigrant Song, Heartbreaker, Kashmir, All of My Love.... genius. they were Gods.
Also, Billie Jean. MJ. Come on. You know you love it too.
Honorable Mentions go to:
Glycerine, Little Things, Monkey, Bomb, Come Down by Bush
Terrible Lie and Head Like a Hole by Nine Inch Nails
Lunacy Fringe by the Used
Pardon Me, Stellar, Make Yourself and the Warmth by Incubus
Otherside, Californication, Easily, Around the World by RHCP
Break and Keep Forgetting by the Cinematics
Race the Dream by Kill Hannah
E.S.T. and Fairwell to the Fairground by White Lies
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